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The Pandemic and Trauma

I remember the beginning of the pandemic.


I was sitting in our office talking to coworkers, discussing the virus that had recently made it to the US. We were planning what to do as a team if it were to get worse, how to make sure we could still offer our counseling services, and other preparations.


And in that meeting I said the following: “Well, maybe this will make us all realize and focus on what is really important.”


As I reflect on that, a couple of feelings come to mind. Part of me does think we all know what is important to us now. If it wasn’t extra clear before, almost a year later it is absolutely clear now.


But, I also feel like I want to shout at past-me and shake her. Maybe we will all realize what is really important. Excuse me? To her I kind of want to say, “How dare you? Really, lady?” UGH.


Connection. Hugs. Health. Living. Breathing. Less daily impending doom and crushing fear. These things are the absolutely lifeblood of our existence as humans. We will never again take for granted the smile of a stranger. We will never again forget to hug our family and friends.


On top of that, staying at home for days on end has been hard. For many of us, home meant having all of our responsibilities stare us in the face while endless zoom meetings consumed our little energy reserves. For some, home and work began mixing and balancing kids, school, and the household became overwhelming and still is. For others, home isn’t a haven at all. Home means being cooped up with relational tension that stress that constant contact only heightened. Marriages and relationships have been tested in completely new ways, with some on the brink of ending. For some, it has meant food scarcity and not being able to rely on help from school programs or other assistance that is vital to their lives. And for some, home isn’t and hasn’t been a safe place at all. Domestic abuse and other forms of abuse never went away, and being at home increased it exponentially.


Collectively we have all grieved in this pandemic some way or another. Over likely many things we have grieved. And at the end of it all, whenever that is, there will be remnants left with us that stick with us. We weren’t meant to be in fight-or-flight for this prolonged of a time. So past-me said something true about how we value things more than we may have before. But I also in our suffering I know that many of us would do anything to trade our new “important perspective of life” for what was our “normal” before all of this in a heartbeat. And it’s because we have suffered immensely. And that is not to be considered or talked about lightly.


This is why I think it’s important to talk about what I would sum-up this pandemic as in one word: trauma.


Though "trauma" is now a social-media buzzword, it's important not to dismiss it altogether, and recognize the signs of it (which will be in another post).


Trauma is what we are all experiencing in some way in our lives. In the therapy office, we often discuss trauma as either “Big T” or “Little t” trauma. Trauma is subjective, but identifiable by each individual who experiences it. Many of us minimize our own trauma by comparing it to others. This often sounds like “Oh, but my situation isn’t as bad as theirs...” and fill in the rest. Talk about minimizing your own pain. This makes sense though, because we can cope with the uncertain and the pain when we minimize it. This works for a time, until something triggers us and pulls us right back into those feelings and thoughts again.


You were surviving right now the best you can, and maybe you still are. Your brain wants to protect you: whether it’s by minimizing, worrying, obsessing, or even pretending everything is fine. While these are protections, at some point they become unhelpful. When it comes down to it they are more likely to continue on long past the pandemic because that is what happens when we experience trauma. Things from the past surface into our current reality and convince our bodies and minds that there is still a threat.


Now I’m not writing this in order to say, “Watch out how you’re coping! Better freak out and become worried about how I’m badly coping right now and what that might mean for the future!” Quite the opposite, and I’d encourage you if you were in my office to not suddenly shame yourself for how you’re surviving. Simply put, let’s recognize it. Identify it. Name it. Call it what it is, and it takes the power away from the unknown and scary and brings it into the light to be seen. When it’s in the light, it no longer has the power to shame us, define us, or tells us who we are. When we identify we have or are experiencing trauma, we honor ourselves and our experience. We notice how it has changed us and caused us great pain, and gives us an opportunity to heal. And healing from trauma is possible.


More than just "going through something hard", trauma holds space in our bodies. It causes a range of symptoms that continue long past the event, and will likely continue long past the pandemic. Honor your own story by calling it what it is, if you think trauma is part of your story. And what I know from sitting with clients in my office who choose to call it what it is and face those things when you’re ready is this: healing is possible.


Don’t give up. I beg, you don’t give up. You’ve been surviving. No one (still, even in June 2021) is operating at their best right now. Be gentle with yourself and one another.


Right now may feel hopeless. And when you’re in the thick of the storm, it’s impossible to see anything positive from it. And that’s okay. That’s where you’re at. To that I say, “Of course you feel that way.” Because that’s how trauma typically makes us feel.


I see you. I see healing in the future.


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