Q: What are you writing over there?
A: I’m usually writing things down that you’ve mentioned so that I don’t forget. It’s an important part of my active listening and your treatment. No, I’m not Jamie Lee Curtis (embodied by Lindsay Lohan) in Freaky Friday drawing and playing tic-tac-toe on my clipboard.
Q: Do all therapists write things down during the session?
A: No, not all therapists take notes during session. Some wait until after your session to take notes or use the last 5-10 minutes of your session for note taking. We are required to keep notes, but we all have our own way of doing so.
Q: I’m uncomfortable with something my therapist did. What do I do?
A: I would let them know! Feel weird about them taking notes? Ask them about it. Feel unsure about what their facial expression meant just now? Let them know how it made you feel and ask them about it. I know, easier said than done. But trust is an important part of therapy, and asking can help build that. Momentary awkwardness for long-term reward.
Q: What do I do if I see you in person outside of therapy?
A: Great question! Many people have this one and are too afraid to ask. For purposes of confidentiality, if you see your therapist in public they won’t say “hi” first. That is because if there is anyone around you or you’re with someone, if they say hello first then those people around you may ask you, “Who was that?” or “How do you know each other?”, leaving you in an awkward situation that compromises your confidentiality. However, you can say hi! Just as long as you’re the one who does it first. This lets your therapist know it’s okay with you that others you may be around or with know how you know one another. Just know that if you see your therapist in public they’re not trying to snub you, they’re doing their job.
Q: Do you think about me outside of my session?
A: Absolutely. Your therapist probably thinks about you often, and truly wants the best for you.
Q: Am I allowed to lay down, or put my feet on the coffee table?
A: Usually your counselor wants the therapy office to be one that is comfortable for you. If that means you sit criss-cross, put your feet up, or recline, then ask!
Q: Am I allowed to use swear words?
A: Being authentically yourself is an important choice you can make as part of your therapeutic work. If you ask me… hell yeah.
Q: What if I don’t feel like I’m getting anything out of therapy anymore?
A: Let your therapist know. You can discuss that together! I’d encourage you not to ghost them and randomly stop going one day. Let them know and you can move forward together or discuss a plan for transitioning out of therapy or to someone else.
Q: On a similar note… all my therapists does is sit there and listen. I don’t feel like therapy is actually helping me. What do I do?
A: Ask yourself whether there may be a misunderstanding about what the therapeutic process looks like. It is not uncommon for people to have a misconception about what therapists are supposed to offer. Ask your therapist to explain what you can expect from the therapeutic process, and let them know what you may be confused about.
Q: Can I hug you?
A: The answer depends on important factors. Most therapists I know refrain from any physical contact with clients, and some do unless it is ethically and therapeutically beneficial. Others may see a hug as a way to care for you. Either way, consent is necessary for both parties and so if you’d like to hug your therapist and you’re not sure, just ask! If the answer is no, it’s not that we don’t like you, but we are trained to be ethical clinicians and it’s for your good and ours that these boundaries are in place, and so asking for consent is always best.
Q: Can I ask you questions about yourself?
A: Sure! We know that you know we are people too. But details about our lives that are not pertinent to the therapeutic process we may choose not to share. Your therapist likely wants to choose to maintain healthy boundaries and ethical practice and that’s okay. Try not to take it personally!
Q: I think I want to switch counselors but I’m afraid my old therapist will be upset. What do I do?
A: Let your therapist know what you’re thinking and feeling. Recognize that it’s not your job to take care of your therapist. It is our goal to care for you, and if that means moving on to a therapist you feel may better suit your needs then that is important.
Q: I’m switching therapists but dread “starting over” with therapy. What now?
If you do switch counselors (either because you weren’t clicking, you’re moving, or whatever the case may be), consider asking to fill out an ROI (Release of Information) for your counselor so that your therapist can give your new therapist some helpful background. This can help so that you’re not feeling like you’re completely “starting all over again” with your new therapist and having to update them on all the progress you have made to get them up to speed. Depending on the state you are located, ask your counselor anything else you may need going forward for a smooth transition.
What other questions do you have for your therapist that you’re too afraid to ask?
*Disclaimer: This information is not comprehensive and is written from the perspective of one Texas mental health professional. Please take that into consideration. This is simply a means of starting a conversation that can be ongoing with your own therapist, and to encourage you to ask those questions you have.
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